i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
My bed is full of blood and feathers
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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