how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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