my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
