1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I could have mohawked her pubes.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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