Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
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