This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
