I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
