Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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