I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
