Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You dont lie about slip and slides
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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