Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Walk of Shame today included voting.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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