How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
