I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
The ass gains better be worth it
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