I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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