When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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