Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
