I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
