I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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