theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
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The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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