i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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