too bad you live with your parents still
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
