oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
