The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
