Where is the hickey?
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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