if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
