The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
