i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize