She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
