if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
