You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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