yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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