I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?