I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough