And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
