dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand