So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
