man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
