omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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