If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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