Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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