I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
