You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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