fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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