Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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