today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
