The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
