So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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