He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
