If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
