he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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