You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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