So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
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it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You need Xanax blowdarts
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
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We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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