I need to stop coming to work sober
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
