I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
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