I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
