I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
