Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
