eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
