he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
