let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
